Why is sex so important in marriage.

                                         

Married couples

What kinds of emotional needs does your sexual interest meet for your husband? In written survey comments and in my interviews, I noticed two parallel trends —the great benefits a fulfilling sex life creates in a man’s inner life and, conversely, the wounds created when lovemaking is reluctant or lacking.

Benefit #1: Fulfilling sex makes him feel loved and desired

Not surprisingly, the first thing surfaced from the survey comments was that having a regular, mutually enjoyed sex life was critical to the man’s feeling of being loved and desired. One eloquent plea captured it perfectly:

I wish that my wife understood that making a priority of meeting my intimacy needs is the loudest and clearest way she can say, “You are more important to me than anything else in the world.” It is a form of communication that speaks more forcefully, with less room for misinterpretation, than any other.

The reason why this message is needed is that many men —even those with close friendships —seem to live with a deep sense of loneliness that is quite foreign to us oh-so-relational women. And making love is the purest salve for that loneliness.

One man told me, “I feel like I go out into the ring every day and fight. It’s very lonely. That’s why, when the bell rings, I want my wife to be there for me.”

Another related that sentiment to the power of fulfilling sex. “A man really does feel isolated, even with his wife. But in making love, there is one other person in this world that you can be completely vulnerable with and be totally accepted and non-judged. It is a solace that goes very deep into the heart of a man.

This is one reason why some men may make advances at times that seem the furthest from sexual. One woman relayed a story about her husband wanting to make love after a funeral for a close relative. Making love was a comfort and a way of being wrapped in her love.

Benefit #2: Fulfilling sex gives him confidence

Your desire for him goes beyond making him feel wanted and loved. Your desire is a bedrock form of support that gives him power to face the rest of his daily life with a sense of confidence and well-being.

By now most of us have seen the television commercials for Viagra in which a man’s colleagues for friends repeatedly stop him and ask what’s “different” about him. New haircut? Been working out? Promotion? Nope, the man tells them all, with a little smile.

One man I interviewed brought up those ads. “Every man immediately understands what that commercial is saying —it’s all about guys feeling good about themselves. The ad portrays a truth that all men intuitively recognize. They’re more confident and alive when their sex life is working.”

Once my eyes were opened to this truth, I realized how often I’d heard the “man code” for this fact, but failed to understand it. When men had told me they “felt better” when they got more sex, I had just assumed they meant physically better.

But as one husband told me, “What happens in the bedroom really does affect how I feel the next day at the office.” Another wrote, “Sex is a release of a day-to-day pressures and seems to make everything else better.”

Wound #1: “If she doesn’t want to, I feel incredible rejection.”

As much as men want sex, most of them would rather go out and clip the hedges in the freezing rain than make love with a wife who appears to be responding out of duty. My husband, Jeff, explained: “The guy isn’t going to be rejected by the hedges. And that’s the issue. If she’s just responding because she has to, he’s being rejected by his wife.”

Again, keeping in mind that what he wants most is for you to desire him, try to see what he wants most is for you to desire him, try to see this rejection issue from the man’s point of view. If we agree, but don’t make an effort to get really engaged with the man we love, he hears us saying, “You’re incapable of turning me on even when you try, and I really don’t care about what matters deeply to you.” On the other hand if we don’t agree at all, but throw out the classic “Not tonight, dear,” he hears, “You’re so undesirable that you can’t compete with a pillow… and I really don’t care about what matters deeply to you.”

Although we might just be saying we don’t want sex at that point in time, he hears the much more painful message that we don’t want him.

Here’s what the men themselves said on the survey:

• “She doesn’t understand that I feel loved by sexual caressing, and if she doesn’t want to, I feel incredible rejection.”

• “When she says no, I feel that I am REJECTED, ‘No’ is not no to sex —as she might feel. It is no to me as I am. And I am vulnerable as I ask or initiate. It’s plain and simple rejection.”

• “She doesn’t understand how even her occasional dismissals make me feel less desirable. I can’t resist her. I wish that I, too, were irresistible. She says I am. But her ability to say no so easily makes it hard to believe.”

This feeling of personal rejection, and a sense that his wife doesn’t really desire him, tends to lead a man into darker waters.

Wound #2: your lack of desire can send him into depression.

If your sexual desire gives your husband a sense of well-being and confidence, you can understand why an ongoing perception that you don’t desire him would translate into a nagging lack of confidence, withdrawal, and depression.

The men I talked to scoffed at my tentative suggestion that a string of similar rejections wouldn’t necessarily mean that their wives were rejecting them as men. They warned that any woman sending those signals would undermine the loving environment she wants most because, as one man said, “She is going to have one depressed man on her hands.”

A man can’t just turn off the physical and emotional importance of sex, which is why its lack can be compared to the emotional pain you’d feel if your husband simply stopped talking to you. Consider the painful words of this truly deprived husband—words that other men, upon reading them, call “heartbreaking”:

We’ve been married for a long time. I deeply regret and resent the lack of intimacy of nearly any kind for the duration of our marriage. I feel rejected, ineligible, insignificant, lonely, isolated, and abandoned as a result. Not having the interaction I anticipated prior to marriage is like a treasure lost and irretrievable. It causes deep resentment and hurt within me. This in turn fosters anger and feelings of alienation.

…If you view sex as a purely physical need, it might indeed seem comparable to sleep. But once you realize that your man is actually saying, “This is essential to my feeling of being loved and desired by you, and is critical to counteract my stress, my fears, and my loneliness,” well… that suddenly puts it in a different category. So how might you respond?

First, know that you’re responding to a tender heart hiding behind all that testosterone. If at all possible, respond to his advances with your full emotional involvement, knowing that you’re touching his heart. But if responding physically seems out of the question, let your words be heart words—reassuring, affirming, adoring. Do everything in your power—using words and actions your husband understands—to keep those pangs of personal rejection from striking the man you love. Leave him in no doubt that you love to love him.

And remember, if you do respond physically but do it just to “meet his needs” without getting engaged, you’re not actually meeting his needs. In fact, you might as well send him out to clip the hedges. So enjoy God’s intimate gift, and make the most of it!

…I recognize that some women might very much wish that they could respond more wholeheartedly to their husband’s sexual needs, but feel stopped in their tracks for various personal reasons. I don’t want to add any more frustration. I do, however, want to encourage you to get the personal or professional help you need to move forward. The choice to pursue healing will be worth it, both for you and the man you love.

Make sex a priority

An excerpt from a Today’s Christian Woman article captures this issue—and provides an important challenge to change our thinking. The author starts by admitting that although her husband really wanted to make love more often, it “just wasn’t one of my priorities.” She then describes a subsequent revelation:

I felt what I did all day was meet other people’s needs. Whether it was caring for my children, working in ministry, or washing my husband’s clothes, by the end of the day I wanted to be done need-meeting. I wanted my pillow and a magazine. But God prompted me: “Are the ‘needs’ you meet for your husband the needs he wants met?”

If your daughters weren’t perfectly primped, he didn’t complain. If the kitchen floor needed mopping, he didn’t say a word. And if he didn’t have any socks to wear, he simply threw them in the washer himself.

I soon realized I regularly said “no” to the one thing he asked of me. I sure wasn’t making myself available to my husband by militantly adhering to my plan for the day… Would the world end if I didn’t get my tires rotated? I’d been focused on what I wanted to get done and what my children needed, I’d cut my husband out of the picture.

Are the many things that take our time and energy truly as important as this one? Now would be a good time to reevaluate priorities with the help of our husbands so they know that we are taking this seriously.

… Having heard from so many men on this, I would urge you: Don’t discount it. It’s more important to him—and to your relationship and therefore your own joy in marriage —than you can imagine.

Now that you understand the tender places in your husband’s heart, hopefully you have developed compassion for him and the way he is wired.

Health benefits of soybeans

                                                   

Soybeans

Soybean is hailed as the most protective bean. Soy contains 40 percent protein. It has the highest protein content amongst plant products. “Soy protein” refers to the protein found in soybeans. As animal protein contains all the essential amino acids, lacking in pulse protein, soy is often used to replace the animal proteins in an individual's diet. Soybean is the only vegetable food that contains all eight essential amino acids. 


Macronutrients-

Protein

Soyabean is the richest plant source of protein. It contains 43 percent protein as compared to other legumes which contain 20 to 25 percent protein. Soy protein is also of the highest quality amongst all legumes. Under guidelines adopted by the Food and Drug Administration and the World Health Organization for evaluating protein quality for children and adults, soy protein isolate receives a rating of 1, which is the highest possible score. This means that the quality of soy protein is equal to that of meat and milk proteins.

Most plant proteins are considered "incomplete" proteins because they are low in one or more essential amino acids. Levels of one amino acid or another are insufficient for human needs. Grains are typically low in lysine; beans are typically low in the sulfur amino acids, methionine and cysteine. However, the level of sulfur amino acids in soybeans is higher than in other beans, and therefore soy protein is equivalent to animal protein in quality. 

The World Health Organization (WHO) and the US Food and Drug Administration use an alternative method for evaluating protein quality called the protein digestibility corrected amino acid score (PDCAAS). The PDCAAS for soy protein isolate is 1.0, which makes soy equivalent to animal proteins in quality and higher than other plant proteins foods. Soy foods if used smartly contribute significantly toward meeting protein needs, and could be an excellent addition to a diet for a variety of reasons.


Fat

Like protein soybeans are high in fat too. Most legumes (except peanuts) contain between 2 to 14 percent fat, whereas soybean contains 19 percent fat. 

At the same time, most of the fat in soybeans is unsaturated and beneficial. Polyunsaturated, monounsaturated and saturated fats make up 63 percent, 23 percent, and 14 percent respectively of the fat in soybeans with saturated fat being the lowest. The polyunsaturated fat content of soybean includes linolenic acid or Omega-3 fatty acid. The presence of omega–3 fats makes it special as soybeans are one of the very few plant sources of this essential fatty acid. Omega-3 fatty acids form an essential nutrient which helps to reduce risk of both heart disease and cancer. 

Soybean oil can be used in cooking. Some soy foods have the fat removed. Defatted soy flour is commonly available. Reduced-fat tofu and reduced or non-fat soymilk also form some low fat alternatives.

Fiber

A serving of soybeans provides approximately eight grams of dietary fiber. However, some soy foods are processed in ways that decrease the fiber content significantly. Tofu and soymilk contain very little fiber, while soy foods that utilize the whole bean such as tempeh, soy flour and textured soy protein are high in fiber. 

Micronutrients-

Calcium

Soy foods are a good source of calcium in comparison to the commonly used legumes. Processing affects the calcium content of soyfoods considerably. Tofu due to its processing methods can contain between 120 and 750 mg of calcium per 1/2 cup serving. Soymilk contains around 93 mg of calcium per one cup serving. The calcium-fortified soymilk could often contain between 200 and 300 mg of calcium per serving and a good amount of vitamin D.

Although soyfoods are high in both oxalates and phytates that inhibit calcium absorption, the calcium from soyfoods is well absorbed and has an absorption rate equal to that of milk.

Iron

Soya is rich in iron too. However, both phytate and soy protein reduce iron absorption which leads to the iron in soyfoods being poorly absorbed. 

Health benefits of COCONUT OIL

                                                         

Coconut oil

Coconut oil health benefits have been known for hundreds of years in traditional cultures in tropical regions of the world. Many cultures have used coconuts and coconut oil not only as food, but also as a source of health and healing.

The centuries-old use of this wonder food, its scientifically proven health benefits, and the absence of negative side effects contrast with most modern drugs and industrialized foods. You can be sure of the safety of coconut as well as coconut oil's health benefits because traditional peoples across the globe have used them safely for centuries with excellent results.

Most native people living in tropical climates had beautiful hair, soft, smooth skin, and an amazing lack of the health challenges that face man today--until they adopted much of the typical modern processed food diet. The good news is you don't have to live in the tropics to enjoy and take advantage of coconut oil's health benefits.

In this section, we'll provide you with information regarding coconut oil health benefits from scientific research as well as anecdotal evidence.

For example

People are losing weight by adding virgin coconut oil to their diets.

Coconut oil increases the body's metabolism and therefore causes your body to burn more energy (fat) and gives you more energy to do the things you want to do!

Coconut oil is the best food source of lauric acid, second only to mother's milk! Lauric acid has many wonderful properties, among them anti-bacterial and anti-viral functions. Fats in coconut oil also enhance immune system function and help balance and normalize body lipids. Coconut oil contains health-building medium chain fatty acids.

We'll leave the rest of the benefits for the articles you see mentioned below.

                                    Coconut oil strategies

The first step to fully reap coconut oil health benefits in your life and health is to eliminate all modern vegetable oils from your diet and replace them with virgin coconut oil. Making this change is well worth the effort, and the coconut oil health benefits you reap far outweigh any difficulties and challenges you might encounter in making this change.

Making this simple change relieves your body of the stress and damage provoked by the polyunsaturated acids found in the vegetable oils and the toxins also found in these oils because of their rancidity and the traces of solvents from processing.

                                          Health benefit

There are so many coconut oil health benefits that some people think we are exaggerating when we talk about them. The truth is it's not an exaggeration. If anything, we areunderstating the benefits.

Studies of traditional cultures where coconut and virgin coconut oil were used as staples in the diet show great heart health, virtually no diabetes, and almost no cancer. What a wonderful world it would be if everyone could live like that!

Of course, there are other reasons we have such high levels of diabetes, cancer, and heart disease, but it's worth noting that consuming virgin coconut oil isn't a cause of any of these modern plagues, and has shown positive results when used in combination with other natural means to better man's overall health.

                                               Weight loss

Many people today find it difficult to understand how consuming fats daily can help you lose weight. This seems contrary to so much of what we read and hear in the news and on TV. But that is because the food industry and the oil industry have been responsible for most of the information that has been fed to the world through the media on this subject. They even influence what your doctor tells you.

Whole industries in third world countries were ruined while the US vegetable oil industry was promoted, and all this was done under the pretext of promoting "a heart-healthy diet." Truth be told, it's just not that way.

Coconut oil and other fats help control cravings, such as for sweets, sugar, and carbohydrates. The essential fatty acids are necessary for good health. They are not necessary evils, either. They are good for us and we should not only eat them, but ideally, we should enjoy eating them.